My Heart Lies In the Meadow, Too Far Away For Me to Reach
by ReginaRiverMayHill
Summary: "Your dead 'Sisca" I don't understand but I do. How can I be dead? Now I know why Steve left. "You don't have to be dead" I stare at him blankly. "You can go back to him. To Steve" I miss Steve. I think I love him. I used to, I used to tell him so. Then I said I didn't. Then I left him. I wish hadn't. Maybe I wouldn't be dead if I had. Post CATWS. Headverse. CaptainHill


**A/N This takes place in m headverse and will probably make a little more sense if you've read "A Nightmare Dressed Like a Daydream" but basically Alexander is her brother, Danny is her childhood best friend who died a couple years ago because of her, and she and Steve are divorced but they were havig the occasional booty call. **

My mouth opens into a round "o" and I sink to my knees. I look down at the red seeping into my S.H.I.E.L.D. issued uniform. I still kept a couple even when S.H.I.E.L.D. fell apart. I pull hands away and they come back red.

I suck in a rattling breath and stare out in front of me as soldiers fight on. I don't understand what's happening. I don't have enough strength to brush my bangs from face.

I collapse to my side, my right shoulder crushed by the fall. Pain starts to spread from my midsection up my body. The noise of the battle starts to fade away. I look up to see the room empty except H.Y.D.R.A. soldiers. One notices my struggle against myself to move.

A sharp pain breaks out in my left leg and a loud crack rings out. I scream. I don't know where the strength to scream comes from. I bite my lip to keep from crying out again. I feel something wet trickle down my cheek. I think I am crying.

I start sucking in breaths faster, the air coming in and out in short gasps. Leering voices fade in and out and someone grabs the collar of my bodysuit, pulling me up off the cold hard ground.

My head flops helplessly against my back. Something flat hits my face. I must've been hit but I cannot feel it. Everything is numb.

They drop me back to the ground and I land in a puddle of something warm. I think it is my blood.

Three loud bangs assault my ears and things fall from the ceiling. I must be delusional because I scream again. A familiar voice rings out. I can't remember what the wet things that fall from my eyes are but they slip down my cheeks.

I ask after the familiar voice and he yells my name out. I yell his name out too. Steve.

He runs over and starts do the same thing I am doing. With the wet things from eyes. 3 people and a monster stand behind him. I only recognize Natasha and Clint. The other man is wearing a funny red and gold suit. The monster is green and I don't know him either.

The walls swim before me. Rough hands touch my forehead, brushing the bangs from my face. I smile, they were making forehead itchy. The world starts to go dark and Steve shakes me again. The others yell. The world comes back. I don't want it back.

I am jostled into Steve's arms and I start to move. I don't know where I'm going. I don't where I am.

Darkness creeps into my vision again. Steve's face starts to disappear. He tells me to stay with him. I don't understand. There isn't anywhere I can go-he's holding me too tightly.

The sounds fade out. I can hear the rushing of the ocean and the waves. Steve's face turns black and then is replaced by the sun.

Steve is gone. Instead a tall man stands in his place. He slowly slides his belt out of his pants. He flicks it once. Twice. I scramble back.

The red on my catsuit is gone. My catsuit is gone. Instead I wear jeans and a tank top.

"You've been very bad again. I told you not to leave but you did" his voice is low and calm. It reminds me of a lion.

I feel a sting across my hips.

Then one across my chest.

A slow pain spreads across my chest and I look down at it. I'm bleeding.

When I look back up Alexander is staring at men a sneer on his face and a smoking gun in his hand.

I fall down and land on grass. When I try to get back up, I see Danny lying next to me.

He's smiling.

"Well, good news is you made it to heaven"

I stare at him.

I don't understand.

"You're dead 'Sisca" he says, laughing ever so slightly.

"What?!" I say and sit up.

Its very bright out. Its also beautiful, a version a the meadow we used to play in as kids.

"You don't have to be dead"

I stare at him blankly.

"You can go back to him, back to Steve" he says. There's a sad smile on his face now.

I remember Steve. He's nice. I think I love Steve. But he doesn't know that. He and I have a complicated relationship. He knows I used to love him.

But then I remember Steve is sad. I made him sad. I told him I didn't love him and then I left him. Then he made me sad. He made me almost kill him. Then he lost Bucky.

"What if I don't wanna go back?" I ask Danny quietly and turn to face him.

"I think you do" he says softly and suddenly he's fading away. Everything is fading away. Then everything becomes loud and bright.

"Danny!" I yell. I don't want him to go away.

Bright white sky and long green grass turn into white lights and green walls.

Danny turns into Steve.

He's dressed in a crisp suit and tie and he's asleep. His hand is intertwined with my left.

"You heading to church?" I say quietly. My throat is dry and my voice cracks.

My heart tightens at the sight of him. I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell him.

His eyes crack open and when he sees me awake he jumps out of the seat and hugs me.

I whimper slightly and he springs off me but I'm smiling at him. I missed his hugs. He used to hug me when we were married. He never hugged me during our hookups. Then I cut ties with him again.

"You're awake he says slowly and his grin reforms, followed by a sigh of relief.

"We thought you were dead, you were dead for a minute or two. I-I missed you Maria" he says and I smile at him.

"Get me out of here will you?" I ask him and his eyes open wide.

"I was actually just going to church, its Sunday" he says and I roll my eyes.

"I know its not really your thing and-wait, you can't leave the hospital! You just woke up and you're weak and you'll be in pain-"

"Take the damn IV then!" I take a breath. "I need to get out of here, Steve"

The use of his name causes him to relax and he grabs the wheelchair outside the door.

"I'm probably breaking about 25 rules doing this" he says with a nervous grin.

"Yes and I love you for it" I say, a light note in my voice I haven't heard in a while.

He stares at me and I laugh, a little nervously.

"You-you said . . ." he stutters.

"Yeah I did. Now are you going to take me to church or not?" I ask and he smiles at me.

"I thought you didn't believe in any of this stuff" he says as he buckles her into his car.

"I don't" she says simply. She looks over at him as he starts the car. "I just thought I'd pay my respects to an old friend and a church may be a good place to start"

Later when they're entering the church her leans down, tipping the wheelchair back a bit and whispers to her in a sultry voice.

"I love you too"


End file.
